Dreams, Trauma, and Cannabis
I want to share some personal experience with you all. It’s something that’s been bothering me for a while now. This journey of moving into an RV and getting rid of all our possessions and comforts has been so freeing in so many ways. It’s shown me so much about myself and my deepest beliefs. But something else it’s shown me is how much past trauma has affected me to my core. I’ve been experiencing first hand an example of how powerful cannabis is as medicine in just one of a myriad of ways.
Living on the road has meant we don’t have access to cannabis like we did in Colorado. After crossing state lines into “illegal states” without cannabis, I started dreaming / having nightmares again. I didn’t realize how nice it was before to have the plant helping me by suppressing my dreams. The shock of not having that medicine helping has been rough. I wasn’t sleeping well before already due to my body revolting from overwork and too much stress, but at least I wasn’t dreaming or having nightmares. My subconscious has been relentlessly showing me my worst fears and pains the past couple of weeks. Everyday I’m scared to fall asleep because I’m scared of what I’m going to dream about tonight and what’s going to haunt me for the rest of the day.
This post is really a plea for those that are on the fence about cannabis prohibition or have an opportunity to change things to keep my story in mind. I’m not a drug addict. I’m not a criminal. I’m somebody who wants the chance to sleep without being haunted by the demons of my past. I want to sleep without waking up drenched in sweat or crying. PTSD from past trauma happens to more people than just soldiers. I can see how having killed someone in war could haunt you for the rest of your life, but I haven’t done that and I’m still haunted by the choices of my past and the insecurities that have become ingrained as part of my beliefs.
I sometimes feel like I’m waking up into a nightmare where I’m looked down on and seen as “less than” and scum. This feeling and belief has limited me in so many ways. Frankly it’s kept me from posting this publicly more than a few times out of fear of what people might think. I’ve tried to surround myself with activists and other people fighting the good fight to legalize a plant, but these times where you’re put back in cannabis prohibition states, it feels so helpless. Cannabis is medicine, not a schedule I narcotic with “no known medicinal benefit and high potential for abuse”.
Hopefully the recent passing of legislation to re-legalize hemp in America is a powerful first step. There is still much to be done. A perfect example is the fact that many people don’t realize that “hemp” is just cannabis with a very low threshold for THC content. This post and many others are my personal attempt at contributing in some way.
Until the legal status of cannabis changes, I will continue my fight with so many others who are fighting every day to legalize and de-stigmatize a plant that is medicine for so many. I hope to live to see the day where we can be free from this oppression and have access to a plant that’s been around for thousands of years without fear of being locked in a cage like an animal!